Tag: Faith

The Conclusion of Desire and the Kingdom

 

Not long ago I sat at my favorite coffee shop here in Charlottesville, VA. Across with me sat a man I have come to respect and appreciate – largely due to a book he authored (which is given some shape to the way I parent). In the course of our conversation he said, “You know – these are anxious times.” I listened to him as he unpacked that statement. He was right – these are anxious times.

So why would Jesus say something like, “do not be anxious”?

Well – like I said before – I don’t think he’s trying to be cruel or ironic. In fact, I’m fairly certain that Jesus understood people – very, very well. I think, in fact, that if Jesus is saying don’t be anxious then he’s probably got a way figured out for folks not to be anxious. It may be worth thinking about. Perhaps Jesus wants to give shape to our image of a good life – and what is really essential for us to know.

All of this began for me with a claim that James K.A. Smith made. He said, Our ultimate love moves and motivates us because we are lured by this picture of human flourishing. Rather than being pushed by beliefs, we are pulled by a telos (end, purpose, goal) that we desire. It’s not so much that we’re intellectually convinced and then muster the will power to pursue what we ought; rather, at a precognitive level, we are attracted to a vision of the good life that has been painted for us in stories and myths, images and icons. It is not primarily our minds that are captivated but rather our imaginations that are captured, and when our imagination is hooked, we’re hooked (and sometimes our imaginations can be hooked by very different visions than what we’re feeding into our minds)…So many of the penultimate decisions, actions, and paths we undertake are implicitly and ultimately aimed at trying to live out the vision of the good life that we love and thus want to pursue…This is just to say that to be human is to desire “the kingdom,” some version of the kingdom, which is the aim of our quest. Every one of us is on a kind of Arthurian quest for “the Holy Grail,” that hoped-for, longed-for, dreamed-of picture of the good life – the realm of human flourishing – that we pursue without ceasing. Implicitly and tacitly, it is such visions of the kingdom that pull us to get up in the morning and suit up for the quest.

That’s not to say, as Smith points out, that all human beings desire the same kingdom. In fact, he concludes that the vision of the good life that we have is something that has been pictured for us and there are very different visions of what ‘the kingdom’ looks like. The shape of the kingdom is contested, generating very different stories and thus different kinds of peoples, citizens who see themselves as subjects of rival kings.”

So – if Smith is right – and I think he may be – then why are these anxious times? Why are folks so anxious about everything? Why are children suffering from anxiety disorders – more so now than perhaps previous generations? Why are parents anxious about their kids’ future? Why are seniors anxious about their golden years?

Is there a connection between our ultimate love, our desire for what we imagine to be a good life and anxiety?

I think there is. Think about the fact that the average American family is in debt because we bought cars, clothes, homes, went on vacations, went to concerts, or went to university, sent out kids to camps, etc. Why? Most likely because we were pursuing our vision/image of a good life – but now we are anxious about making those payments in a shrinking economy. A lot of folks have less income now than they did and things that seemed like essentials a few years ago are clearly not essential any longer. But the anxiety is probably still very much a reality – each month when the bills come due.

Perhaps that is why Jesus tells us not to be anxious about what we think are essentials. But he doesn’t just say, “don’t be anxious.” That would be cruel and ironic. What he says is, “Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” (Matthew 6:31-33 ESV)

I think Jesus is trying to give shape to our desire – our vision/image of a good life. One of the first things that He says is that “your heavenly Father” knows what you need. That’s a comforting reality – if you understand/believe/ have God as Father. That takes some pressure off – it is not all up to us. God knows what His children need and He provides.

http://perryumc.org/images/stained-glass/

If this is true, and I think it is, how does this impact our anxiety levels? It may impact them a lot – because if we think about it  – it means that God is the one who not only supplies our needs but also defines our needs. What I mean is that we will have to start thinking about what is really essential which will impact our desires. That means that our vision/image of a good life may need to change – which probably means that someone else will have to shape our ultimate love.

Perhaps this is why Jesus follows this up by saying, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

Is this the cure for anxiety? Is this the vision/image that people, parents, children, students are supposed to have? What does it mean to seek first God’s Kingdom and His righteousness?

What if God’s kingdom and His righteousness were your ultimate love? What if that was what motivated you to get up and get going in the morning? What it the notion of God’s kingdom and His righteousness gave shape to the way you raised your children, spent your money, loved your family, did your work, saved for retirement? What if the vision/image of God’s kingdom and righteousness shaped your desires and your understanding of what was an essential and how those things were going to be provided? Would that be an end to anxiety – would it at least curb it?

Jesus seems to be saying so – especially in the next verse (Matthew 6:34). He says, “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

Wouldn’t that be amazing – to be able to put anxiety aside? How different do you think your life would be – if you could really have no anxiety? Well – Jesus says it is possible. But maybe he is wrong. Maybe Jesus got it wrong and we are supposed to live with chronic anxiety.

Or perhaps Jesus is right, and I think He is, and He is trying to give shape to the right vision/image of a good life. Maybe Jesus is right and human beings really are creatures who desire to live out an image of a good life – but that desire/vision/image is supposed to be shaped a vision for God’s Kingdom and Righteousness.

If he is wrong then we seem to know what we are doing; anxiety is part of being human. That doesn’t seem right though. Anxiety seems to be killing us. But we just have to evolve.

But if he is right then perhaps we need to learn what it means to live out this vision/image of God’s kingdom and righteousness. I think it’ll mean learning a lot about what Jesus meant by God’s kingdom and righteousness. At a minimum I think it’ll mean:

  1. That we care about the things that God cares about.
  2. It means that we pursue good –not just for ourselves but also for others.
  3. It means that we look not only for our interests but the interest of others.
  4. It means that the decisions we make about how we spend our time and our money matter beyond ourselves.
  5. It means that our first order of life is about pleasing – not ourselves – not our parents – not our friends – not our teachers – but God –first and foremost.
  6. It means your life matters more than you actually think because it belongs to God’s kingdom and God’s work in the world – your life has eternal significance – what you do in this world matters because it is part of God’s kingdom.
  7. It means our ambitions need to line up with God’s purposes in the world.
  8. It means that for those who are in pursuit of God’s kingdom are in pursuit of a good life – and one where needs are provided…there is no need to be anxious.
  9. It means that our children will be raised with a different view of the world, and people, and God and themselves.

Let me ask you – as you think about what it is that you desire – what is driving you –when you think about how you would define “a good life,” do you give any thought at all to the fact that Jesus calls people to “seek first God’s kingdom and His righteousness?” – is that your first priority when leading your decision making?”

If not perhaps you need to ask yourself a few questions:

  1. Perhaps you need ask if you are part of God’s kingdom and if not why not. The truth is I don’t think you can pursue God’s kingdom and righteousness apart from God. I don’t think you can ignore Christ and just try to be good. I’m pretty certain that if Jesus is the one pointing toward this vision of the world then God intended for people to consider Christ and what He’s saying in the process. I don’t think we get to pick and choose what we like and discard the rest.
  2. If you have put your faith in Christ – trusted Him for salvation and look to Him as your only hope – but you realize that you are not seeking God’s kingdom first – that’s okay – this is a good time for you to pray and ask the Lord Jesus – by His Spirit to help you.

Honestly – even as a pastor – I have to do this all the time because the cares of the world sidetrack me easily…but God is faithful. In my own family I have been guilty of driving my kids to think about their future – not so much because they are part of God’s work in the world – part of God’s kingdom – but as a means to an end – an end toward happiness.

I mean – the vision/image of a good life that I’ve passed on to my sons is one shaped – to some degree – not by God’s kingdom but by, well, perhaps the American Dream. However, I recognize my failure in this. I think life is more than a good education, job, etc. Life isn’t supposed to be all anxiety. I think Jesus is right. I think the right vision is a vision of the kingdom. I want to help my sons have that vision. I want to have that vision of seeking God’s kingdom and righteous – I want to pass that along and not a roll of Tums.


[1] Ibid., 54.

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Part 3 Desire and the Kingdom

Sermon on the Mount - Tewkesbury Abbey see http://professor-moriarty.com

“Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”  (Matthew 6:31-33 ESV)

This statement of Jesus may seem to contradict what I said earlier about him. Remember, I said whatever it is that you believe or don’t believe about Jesus there is something undeniable about Him. Jesus understands people. It might seem that Jesus saying, “don’t be anxious” to folks could be either ironic or cruel. Because the simple truth is that people are anxious – very anxious – about lots of things. That is not only true of adults – it is true for children and students as well. I am not a professional counselor. I am a pastor who has worked with families, children and students since 1992. In that time I’ve done a good bit of pastoral counseling (I often refer folks to professional counseling). A common concern has been anxiety and children. Some of the anxiety is over children, i.e., the parents have concerns over the child’s future, their attitudes, their grades, their friends, their habits. Some of the anxiety belongs to the kids, i.e., the child is suffering from an anxiety disorder. Some of the parents anxiety may be their marriage, some with their kids, some with family  finances, some with jobs, some with a desire to be happy. I don’t downplay the reality of any of those things and the impact they have on how families work. However, what my experiences has done for me is helped me to be reflective. First – with my family. I wonder how I’m doing as a dad –how my sons are doing with me as a dad (not to mention how I’m doing as a husband). Second – I try to think about what it is that Jesus has said – and here is one of the things he said specifically about being anxious: “do not be anxious…” My first reaction to this is normally – honestly – “well no kidding.” The question that comes up isn’t “why not?” Most people do not like being anxious. It is a human response to want equilibrium. But the truth of the matter is we all have a proclivity for anxiety – even our kids. Something makes all of us anxious. Perhaps we ought to be honest about that. Perhaps we ought to be thinking of ways to deal with it – because it is real. I don’t think it is possible for us to just ignore anxiety. I think we are supposed to deal with the things that make us that way. Because what makes you anxious just might make your kids anxious too. The effects of anxiety are well-known and numerous – and we ought to deal with it. So the question really isn’t “why not?” Rather the question is, how? Does Jesus really intend for people not to be anxious? Well – it might be helpful to notice what it is that Jesus said folks shouldn’t be anxious about. In verse 31 he says, “Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’” Most folks that I know – and most of the folks who will read this – are concerned about what we eat, drink and wear – just not in the way that the first folks who heard this were. It is important to remember that every part of the Bible has a context. What I mean is that every book of the Bible (there are 66 total – 39 in the Hebrew Testament and 27 in the New Testament), and every chapter and verse was written at a specific time with a particular audience in mind. What makes the Bible amazing is that it can still speak into the lives of folks in the 21st century. So –Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount – in fact His life and work – was in the first century. As you know those folks actually were anxious about their next meal and how they were going to feed their children. They actually were anxious about what they were going to drink – not only did they have to dig wells – but they had to be concerned about the quality of water – in ways that we don’t. And they were anxious over what they were going to wear – it wasn’t as much about fashion as it was a matter of protection from sun and cold. Most folks were anxious about what they were going to eat, drink and wear for survival. In a sense what Jesus is talking about are essentials. In those days folks were anxious about the essentials for living. So are we. We are just as concerned about what it takes to survive in the 21st century as folks were in the 1st century. I don’t think Jesus is trying to give people a hard time. I think he’s trying to speak truth into our lives. He seems to know that we get anxious – particularly about things that we believe to be essential for living – or perhaps what we image to be essential for living. He seems to be suggesting that we don’t need to be anxious but rather focused on something else. I know I get anxious about things that I have defined as essential for living a good life and I’m passing that along to my sons. I’m not trying to live in the lap of luxury and I’m not trying to pass that on to my sons. And yet I get anxious about the essentials. Do you? Are you passing your anxiety on to your kids? Are you anxious that you will not be able to give them the essentials for the good life that you’ve imagined for you and your family – for your future? Lots of folks are. I think it is one of the things that drives our culture – anxiety, fear, chasing an image – or perhaps what we might call an essential. So Jesus is saying that folks are not to be anxious about essentials for living – even, perhaps, what we image are the essentials for a good life. So why is it that Jesus is telling us not to be anxious? Why shouldn’t we be anxious  about essentials? Well – I think because he wants to give shape to our image of a good life – and what is really essential. I think he wants us to know something in order for us not to be anxious.  Perhaps I’ll share more about that tomorrow…

Desire and the Kingdom part 2

I do want my sons to live a good life. Most parents do. But where does my image of a good life come from? If I am being honest – mostly from surrounding culture.

I just know that if my kids get a good education, they’ll get a good job – and they’ll make good money – and hopefully they’ll marry a great girl – and they’ll live in a nice house in a safe neighborhood…they’ll be happy – and I’ll be happy – because they are living the idea of a “good life” that most folks consider to be a good life. That’s what they are supposed to do – aren’t they? That’s what good parents do for their kids – don’t they?

But then I heard Smith’s claim banging around inside my head…and I thought – what sort of vision for life am I giving my sons?

I actually want more for my sons than just a good job, money, home, etc. I had to stop and think about what I am passing on to my sons because the truth is – I think Smith is right. We seem to be creatures that are driven by our desires to live a good life – to do the things that make us happy. And we gladly give ourselves to those things that we think will lead to whatever we have defined as “a good life.” We give ourselves headlong to that desire and we pursue it. The problem is – we encourage our kids to do the same thing but often without really thinking through what image it is that we are pursuing.

We all want to be happy. We want our kids to be happy. We want to make sure that they have what they need. A lot of the time we also want them to have what they want – and what they want is what they image will help them to have a good life and be happy. There is a vicious cycle and it is being passed from parent to child.

The trouble is that desire and pursuit often doesn’t make us happy at least not like we think it will. And yet we pass this practice on to our children. But chance are good it will make not make our children happy either. How many times have you read about people who – though successful in their own eyes are miserable? It seems happiness evaded them – but they have everything they imagined would lead to a “good life.” How many times have you read the tragic stories of parents who have helped their kids have everything to make them happy – and their kids are miserable – caught up in all sorts of messy things. As a pastor – as someone who has worked with families and students for twenty plus years – I’ve heard it a lot.

A lot of parents are scared to death that they are someone else is going to mess up their child’s future. I know parents who cart their kids all over the place to make sure they are getting every advantage so they can get into a good school. But all of the running and going is really about the desire to live out what these parents image will lead to a good life for their child. In the book The Price of Privilege the author quoted one child who said, “My mom is everywhere but nowhere.”

For many folks parenting has become more about carting kids from place to place and struggling to figure things out – what will make them happy – how to get them in the right school, the right camps, the right sports, the right experiences. I don’t think it has to be that way. I’m pretty sure it shouldn’t be.

The question for me has become what image is giving shape to my desires for my kids? How am I passing that on to them?

I think that Smith is right – human beings are creatures who are driven by the pursuit of our desire to live what we imagine is a good life – and we want that for our kids as well – we give our lives to it.

Perhaps that is why so many parents are anxious. Perhaps that is why so many parents are willing to nearly kill themselves to give their children what they think they need.

Recently I read something that the late John Stott – the well known, respected English Pastor and Theologian – wrote. He wrote, “Jesus took it for granted that all human beings are ‘seekers…’ We need something to live for, something to give meaning to our existence, something to ‘seek’, something on which to set our ‘hearts’ and our ‘minds…’ ‘the Supreme Good’ to which to dedicate our lives…(it) concerns our goals in life and our incentives for pursuing them…(it) is what makes (us) ‘tick’; it uncovers the mainspring of (our) actions, (our) secret inner motivation. This, then, is what Jesus was talking about when he defined what in the Christian counter-culture we are to ‘seek first.’”

Whatever it is that you believe or don’t believe about Jesus there is something undeniable about Him. Jesus understands people. As you read the Gospels you can’t help but notice that He spoke right to the heart of the issues with which people deal.

A great case in point is the Sermon on the Mount – which is what John Stott was referring to. Within this great text we discover just what it is that Jesus intends for His people. The Sermon on the Mount – among other things – is intended to give shape to our desires – in fact it is intended to form how we see the world, how we think about God, ourselves and others, how we live, spend our money, our time. In other words – the Sermon on the Mount is supposed to help us understand “a good life” and help us to pursue it.

In fact, if you ever want to know how Jesus intends for Christians to live – just turn to the Sermon on the Mount. You can find it in the New Testament, in Matthew chapter 5 thru 7. If you’ve never read that before you ought to.

But – it is important for you to know – if you don’t already – that Jesus – when he gave this sermon – was seated on a hillside with his disciples close by – and most likely a crowd of other folks stood around and listened in. That’s something else you may need to know about Jesus. He was winsome – he drew crowds – for lots of reasons. Some folks liked to hear him talk. Some folks liked to see him do miracles. Some folks really loved him and wanted to follow him. Some folks hated him. Some folks wanted to catch him in something.

That’s just something to keep in mind as you read this. In Matthew chapter 6 verse 31-33 Jesus said something which for me is important to think about – especially when it comes to this idea of desire and how that is shaping my parenting. Here is what Jesus said,

“Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
(Matthew 6:31-33 ESV)

I’ll have more on this tomorrow…

The Struggle For Joy

Every year Sherry and I try to set a theme for the year. The last two years we kept the same theme (we liked it so we kept it). So 2009 and 2010 were the year(s) of laughter. That was born out of the fact that almost every thing we encountered when it came to TV or movies seemed to be obsessed with death in some form. It isn’t like we watch a lot of TV – or movies. But we do enjoy a few programs (especially Master Piece Theater on PBS – don’t mock me – they are really well done programs). So, we made sure that we watched TV shows and movies – as well as focused on laughter – and we laughed a lot. That was good.

This year we went a bit more spiritual – which is something you’d expect from a pastor his wife and kids. We decided that 2011 was going to be the year of joy. The end of 2010 we talked about it – and tried to think of what that would look like. We told a very good friend of our decision to declare 2011 the year of joy. He smiled (he may have actually laughed – it still being 2010 and all) and politely reminded us that joy is often something we have to struggle for. “You’re right,” we said. Nevertheless, joy is something worth struggling for – we just were not sure what sort of things we’d have to struggle to have joy.

Have you ever given that much thought? Have you ever thought about the place of joy in your own life? Perhaps you have. Joy is a funny thing in many ways. It is one of those things that we most often notice when it seems to be missing from our lives. The Bible speaks a lot about joy.

One place in particular draws my attention to this notion of struggling for joy. The Psalmist, in Ps 30:5 wrote, “Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.” And Psalm 126:5 says, “Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!”

Those Psalms make me think about this notion of joy coming on the heals of struggle. That seems to be a pretty consistent picture throughout the Bible and it is consistent in terms of being an accurate portrayal of what it means to be human. Joy is often related to struggle. In fact, we may not even be able to fully appreciate joy until we have struggled.

The struggle for joy is real – very real. There are all sorts of things that come up that create a challenge for us to have joy. That became clearer to me as the subject of forgiveness occupied a huge chunk of the day. If there was ever anything that could cause a person to have to struggle for joy – it would indeed be forgiveness. Think about that for a moment. Think about times when you knew that you had to go to someone who you had wronged. Think about the times when you knew you needed to forgive someone else. Think about the struggle that you may have accepting the fact that God – through Christ – moves toward you to forgive you and draw you to Himself.

There is a tremendous scene in the book Les Miserables (if you’ve never read that book – believe me – you are missing out – again don’t mock me for reading French literature – I’m smarter than I look). Jean Valjean is one of if not the main character. He is a convict whose life was “redeemed” by Christ through the life of a priest (Bishop). But Jean Valjean was never really ever supposed to know forgiveness or redemption or restoration according to the culture of the day. Throughout the novel he is tormented, chased by his past and by Inspector Javert. Javert will not rest until Valjean is punished forever. He is zealous for the law. Valjean has experienced grace.

There is a powerful scene where Jean Valjean has a chance to escape forever. A man is arrested and the authorities think he is Valjean. Valjean can keep his mouth shut. He has lived a good life. He had done loads of charity work. He has totally changed his life. Helped the poor. He was a well-respected mayor. He was a good man. So one night he comes to terms with himself. He goes back and forth in this great scene wrestling with the notion of forgiveness. It is a powerful scene as good and evil wrestle within the heart of this man. In the end though, I’d have to say that it was as much as struggle for joy as it was about good and evil and his sense of forgiveness.

I will not spoil the end of the novel for you (the movie doesn’t include it – sorry you’ll have to read). But the picture of Jean Val Jean struggling for joy even in his own soul is a profound picture to me. Especially because so many people have to wrestle with the notion of what it means to both forgive and to be forgiven. Many of us think often of the people who have wronged us in some ways. We may mouth the words, “I forgive you” but in our heart of hearts there is still a very deep burn. Many more of us can read or hear these words, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). We may nod, say amen, but we still walk away from those words with a lump in our throat – wondering, could it be true.

Forgiveness contributes to the struggle joy. Of, sure, there are other things that add to that struggle. But today, as I thought about forgiveness and thought about joy I could not help but think about the intersection of these two things.

I know people who feel deep joy – inexpressible joy – each time they take the Lord’s Supper. They are overwhelmed because they have tasted – not just the bread and wine – but God’s forgiveness for them. As their pastor – serving them – I’ll tell you there is nothing more electric than seeing the anticipation in their eyes as they take the bread and cup in their hands.

There are others who hold such animosity in their hearts that joy is foreign to them. What they have tasted, even as they often take the bread and cup, is not forgiveness and joy but bitterness, regret and perhaps as a result apathy.

As the discussion of forgiveness came up I wondered aloud about the starting place of forgiveness. Some theologians would argue that it begins with reconciliation – I’m pretty sure that’s missing something theologically. Some would say it begins with hell and we work our way out from there – I know that’s missing something. Some would say it begins with the cross – and I think they are right. It starts where we start – as human beings – in light of our creation as God’s children and in light of God’s move of love toward us. We see that best in light of the cross.

But, when I think about the ways in which I have to struggle for joy when it comes to forgiveness – when it comes to think about who wronged who (or whom), or how I see myself in light of being forgiven (or not) – it seems too big – too grand of thing to think of the way that God has forgiven us (and me). But when I think of what it means to be human – and the deep desire that God has created within my heart for joy – and what a challenge forgiveness is in the struggle for joy, then I think, maybe the starting part of forgiveness is joy.

What I mean the starting point for forgiveness may be that God intended men and women to be people of joy. The whole notion of being restored by the gospel is seen in the Fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5). “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness…”So perhaps the place for “us” to begin when we think about forgiving or being forgiven is with joy. We were made for joy but we may have to struggle for it. We may have to wrestle with forgiveness. But I think in our heart of hearts we want joy. As human beings the motive to move through the process of forgiveness is in the end because we know we have to struggle for joy.

When Sherry and I thought about this being the year of joy – well – we intended it in some ways to fall right along with the year of laughter. It does not work like that. Joy is more than happiness and it is certainly more than just laughter. It is something that we were made for but it is also something that we often have to struggle for. But I’m confident the struggle is worth it – at least the proverbs seems to imply that, “A joyful heart is good medicine” (Pro 17:22).

Next year, however, it might just be the year of BBQ – that’s probably good medicine for my heart too.

 

This is the best BBQ I know of…and I’ve eaten some great BBQ – but this takes top billing in my book.

If you ever want to try it – it is in Bluff City, TN. Not far from the Race Track. It will make you slap your granny it is so good.

It brings our family great joy!

Saying “I Do”

Part of the reason for starting this blog – if you hadn’t noticed – has to do with a running assignment for my Doctor of Ministry. Each day I am supposed to journal, write, or blog – some sort of interaction with the days lectures, readings, etc. Normally I would have just kept a journal. For some reason I thought it would be fun to blog. Honestly – it is kind of fun – but then I’m a bit strange – just ask my wife.

We’ve been married nearly nineteen years (October 10!). She deserves some sort of shrine. Seriously, I’m not an easy person to live with – just ask Cash (our dog). As a good friend of mine, in fact a very wise man, has told me that I married way over my head. In fact his exact words were, “Mark, you out kicked your punt coverage. Don’t screw it up.”

He’s right of course. I could write a lot about Sherry – I’m amazed that she married me. She is awesome – as a wife – as a mom – as a women who loves the Lord. I have been blessed (I’m hoping she’ll read this and I’ll get some points – believe me – I need them). I’m grateful beyond description – and lectures like the one we had today makes me all the more thankful.

This week we are focused on counseling – especially regarding marriage, premarriage, postmarriage, divorce care. I spent the better part of today listening (as much as I can listen) and processing the discussion that flowed with the lecture. Now remember, I’m in a room full of pastors and pastor types. What I observed is a deep sense of hunger on the part of these pastors – these ministry leaders. They wanted tools, tips, insights, and help when it comes to preparing the young men and women of their congregations for marriage. They wanted tips, tools, and insights to give to the married couples within their congregations. Why?

Because there was not a pastor in the room that didn’t have a story of troubled marriages within their congregation. We didn’t really bother talking so much about stats. We didn’t really get into names and places or exact stories. We didn’t have to. We know the heart-break – the pain and the sorrow of broken marriages. These men felt it.

But it wasn’t just about the marriages of people within our congregations that concerned many of us. It was marriage in general. Many of us wondered aloud (much to the lecturers chagrin I’m sure) about how our pre-marital training could be open to the wider community. The church has something to say about marriage for Christians – but we also have a lot that could help those beyond our doors.

Granted Christian marriages are intended to take a cruciform shape. The message of a Christian home and marriage and family is intended to bear witness to the Gospel. God has specific intentions for marriage – and those intentions are just as good for those beyond the doors of the church as those within. What marriage couldn’t benefit from a husband loving his wife as Christ loves His church – giving himself sacrificially for her benefit, her good. What wife wouldn’t want to be appreciated and adored like the husband in the Song of Solomon. “Behold,” he says, “you are beautiful, my love, behold you are beautiful…You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you…you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes…how much better is your love than wine.” What marriage couldn’t benefit from a husband loving his wife like this?

So perhaps we can start thinking about what we can give to our communities in terms of tools and tips for marriage. Perhaps pastors and pastor types can help couples that are living together or thinking about living together figure out what that’ll mean for them as human beings. I say this because so many men and women – and their future or existing children – are being crushed by the weight of a bad marriage. I say this because Jesus has called us to love our neighbors – and the church has the words of life. We can talk about Jesus and marriage and loving our spouses and our children – and not just to people who sit in our pews week after week.

I don’t know exactly what that would look like. I’m thinking about it. I’d love to see the local church help the community – and be more than just a place where folks think of having their wedding. It might be a terrible idea – but I’m thinking there are lots of folks who would like some insights – and maybe they’d like to know just what the Bible actually says about marriage – before they step into it – or after they already have.

In the Perpetual Ruins

This morning I came across Psalm 74:3 and the words that spoke to me in some strange way. The Psalmist cries out in prayer – asking for God to, “Direct your steps to the perpetual ruins…”

For some reason I wanted to cling to that part of this passage – not so much for some fatalistic, black cloud, hopeless reason. Rather, I think it is right and fitting that these words would give shape to the way that people cry out to God.There is something about seeing the world from the perspective of a perpetual ruin that draws me to hope in the gospel all the more. In fact, the whole notion of working for the renewal of all things and the promise of Jesus that He has come to restore us God and to bring about the fullness of God’s Kingdom is the only counter to the notion of ruin.

That’s what is so astounding to me. There are some things – some words – some ideas – which will not exist in the fullness of God’s kingdom. Ruin is one of those things. When Christ comes – and fully and finally directs His steps to this perpetual ruin – all ruin will be gone – forever and ever.

But there is more to the notion of perpetual ruin – because it speaks to me about me. I find, the older I get, the more ruined I become – physically. Now, I’m not old, really. I’m middle-aged – hopefully. I’m young by a lot of standards. But I’m feeling the change in my body. I can’t run or lift or hike or swim or eat like I used to. In fact I’m in the shape I’m in because of the way I did run, lift, etc. But I’m trying to get in shape – but I’m fitting a loosing battle to some extent. I’m fighting against the perpetual ruin of my physical body.

But When Christ comes in His fullness – when He steps toward this perpetual ruin – I will be made new, whole, not for a while – but forever. There will be no more ruined knees, or back, or shoulder, or neck (thank you contact sports). There will be wholeness.

So, I can pray as the Psalmist prayed – asking God to “step toward these and this perpetual ruin” and know that in many ways I am really praying as John prayed in Revelation “Amen – Come Lord Jesus!” Direct your steps to our perpetual ruin!