Tag: Faith

Desire and the Kingdom part 2

I do want my sons to live a good life. Most parents do. But where does my image of a good life come from? If I am being honest – mostly from surrounding culture.

I just know that if my kids get a good education, they’ll get a good job – and they’ll make good money – and hopefully they’ll marry a great girl – and they’ll live in a nice house in a safe neighborhood…they’ll be happy – and I’ll be happy – because they are living the idea of a “good life” that most folks consider to be a good life. That’s what they are supposed to do – aren’t they? That’s what good parents do for their kids – don’t they?

But then I heard Smith’s claim banging around inside my head…and I thought – what sort of vision for life am I giving my sons?

I actually want more for my sons than just a good job, money, home, etc. I had to stop and think about what I am passing on to my sons because the truth is – I think Smith is right. We seem to be creatures that are driven by our desires to live a good life – to do the things that make us happy. And we gladly give ourselves to those things that we think will lead to whatever we have defined as “a good life.” We give ourselves headlong to that desire and we pursue it. The problem is – we encourage our kids to do the same thing but often without really thinking through what image it is that we are pursuing.

We all want to be happy. We want our kids to be happy. We want to make sure that they have what they need. A lot of the time we also want them to have what they want – and what they want is what they image will help them to have a good life and be happy. There is a vicious cycle and it is being passed from parent to child.

The trouble is that desire and pursuit often doesn’t make us happy at least not like we think it will. And yet we pass this practice on to our children. But chance are good it will make not make our children happy either. How many times have you read about people who – though successful in their own eyes are miserable? It seems happiness evaded them – but they have everything they imagined would lead to a “good life.” How many times have you read the tragic stories of parents who have helped their kids have everything to make them happy – and their kids are miserable – caught up in all sorts of messy things. As a pastor – as someone who has worked with families and students for twenty plus years – I’ve heard it a lot.

A lot of parents are scared to death that they are someone else is going to mess up their child’s future. I know parents who cart their kids all over the place to make sure they are getting every advantage so they can get into a good school. But all of the running and going is really about the desire to live out what these parents image will lead to a good life for their child. In the book The Price of Privilege the author quoted one child who said, “My mom is everywhere but nowhere.”

For many folks parenting has become more about carting kids from place to place and struggling to figure things out – what will make them happy – how to get them in the right school, the right camps, the right sports, the right experiences. I don’t think it has to be that way. I’m pretty sure it shouldn’t be.

The question for me has become what image is giving shape to my desires for my kids? How am I passing that on to them?

I think that Smith is right – human beings are creatures who are driven by the pursuit of our desire to live what we imagine is a good life – and we want that for our kids as well – we give our lives to it.

Perhaps that is why so many parents are anxious. Perhaps that is why so many parents are willing to nearly kill themselves to give their children what they think they need.

Recently I read something that the late John Stott – the well known, respected English Pastor and Theologian – wrote. He wrote, “Jesus took it for granted that all human beings are ‘seekers…’ We need something to live for, something to give meaning to our existence, something to ‘seek’, something on which to set our ‘hearts’ and our ‘minds…’ ‘the Supreme Good’ to which to dedicate our lives…(it) concerns our goals in life and our incentives for pursuing them…(it) is what makes (us) ‘tick’; it uncovers the mainspring of (our) actions, (our) secret inner motivation. This, then, is what Jesus was talking about when he defined what in the Christian counter-culture we are to ‘seek first.’”

Whatever it is that you believe or don’t believe about Jesus there is something undeniable about Him. Jesus understands people. As you read the Gospels you can’t help but notice that He spoke right to the heart of the issues with which people deal.

A great case in point is the Sermon on the Mount – which is what John Stott was referring to. Within this great text we discover just what it is that Jesus intends for His people. The Sermon on the Mount – among other things – is intended to give shape to our desires – in fact it is intended to form how we see the world, how we think about God, ourselves and others, how we live, spend our money, our time. In other words – the Sermon on the Mount is supposed to help us understand “a good life” and help us to pursue it.

In fact, if you ever want to know how Jesus intends for Christians to live – just turn to the Sermon on the Mount. You can find it in the New Testament, in Matthew chapter 5 thru 7. If you’ve never read that before you ought to.

But – it is important for you to know – if you don’t already – that Jesus – when he gave this sermon – was seated on a hillside with his disciples close by – and most likely a crowd of other folks stood around and listened in. That’s something else you may need to know about Jesus. He was winsome – he drew crowds – for lots of reasons. Some folks liked to hear him talk. Some folks liked to see him do miracles. Some folks really loved him and wanted to follow him. Some folks hated him. Some folks wanted to catch him in something.

That’s just something to keep in mind as you read this. In Matthew chapter 6 verse 31-33 Jesus said something which for me is important to think about – especially when it comes to this idea of desire and how that is shaping my parenting. Here is what Jesus said,

“Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
(Matthew 6:31-33 ESV)

I’ll have more on this tomorrow…

The Struggle For Joy

Every year Sherry and I try to set a theme for the year. The last two years we kept the same theme (we liked it so we kept it). So 2009 and 2010 were the year(s) of laughter. That was born out of the fact that almost every thing we encountered when it came to TV or movies seemed to be obsessed with death in some form. It isn’t like we watch a lot of TV – or movies. But we do enjoy a few programs (especially Master Piece Theater on PBS – don’t mock me – they are really well done programs). So, we made sure that we watched TV shows and movies – as well as focused on laughter – and we laughed a lot. That was good.

This year we went a bit more spiritual – which is something you’d expect from a pastor his wife and kids. We decided that 2011 was going to be the year of joy. The end of 2010 we talked about it – and tried to think of what that would look like. We told a very good friend of our decision to declare 2011 the year of joy. He smiled (he may have actually laughed – it still being 2010 and all) and politely reminded us that joy is often something we have to struggle for. “You’re right,” we said. Nevertheless, joy is something worth struggling for – we just were not sure what sort of things we’d have to struggle to have joy.

Have you ever given that much thought? Have you ever thought about the place of joy in your own life? Perhaps you have. Joy is a funny thing in many ways. It is one of those things that we most often notice when it seems to be missing from our lives. The Bible speaks a lot about joy.

One place in particular draws my attention to this notion of struggling for joy. The Psalmist, in Ps 30:5 wrote, “Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.” And Psalm 126:5 says, “Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!”

Those Psalms make me think about this notion of joy coming on the heals of struggle. That seems to be a pretty consistent picture throughout the Bible and it is consistent in terms of being an accurate portrayal of what it means to be human. Joy is often related to struggle. In fact, we may not even be able to fully appreciate joy until we have struggled.

The struggle for joy is real – very real. There are all sorts of things that come up that create a challenge for us to have joy. That became clearer to me as the subject of forgiveness occupied a huge chunk of the day. If there was ever anything that could cause a person to have to struggle for joy – it would indeed be forgiveness. Think about that for a moment. Think about times when you knew that you had to go to someone who you had wronged. Think about the times when you knew you needed to forgive someone else. Think about the struggle that you may have accepting the fact that God – through Christ – moves toward you to forgive you and draw you to Himself.

There is a tremendous scene in the book Les Miserables (if you’ve never read that book – believe me – you are missing out – again don’t mock me for reading French literature – I’m smarter than I look). Jean Valjean is one of if not the main character. He is a convict whose life was “redeemed” by Christ through the life of a priest (Bishop). But Jean Valjean was never really ever supposed to know forgiveness or redemption or restoration according to the culture of the day. Throughout the novel he is tormented, chased by his past and by Inspector Javert. Javert will not rest until Valjean is punished forever. He is zealous for the law. Valjean has experienced grace.

There is a powerful scene where Jean Valjean has a chance to escape forever. A man is arrested and the authorities think he is Valjean. Valjean can keep his mouth shut. He has lived a good life. He had done loads of charity work. He has totally changed his life. Helped the poor. He was a well-respected mayor. He was a good man. So one night he comes to terms with himself. He goes back and forth in this great scene wrestling with the notion of forgiveness. It is a powerful scene as good and evil wrestle within the heart of this man. In the end though, I’d have to say that it was as much as struggle for joy as it was about good and evil and his sense of forgiveness.

I will not spoil the end of the novel for you (the movie doesn’t include it – sorry you’ll have to read). But the picture of Jean Val Jean struggling for joy even in his own soul is a profound picture to me. Especially because so many people have to wrestle with the notion of what it means to both forgive and to be forgiven. Many of us think often of the people who have wronged us in some ways. We may mouth the words, “I forgive you” but in our heart of hearts there is still a very deep burn. Many more of us can read or hear these words, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). We may nod, say amen, but we still walk away from those words with a lump in our throat – wondering, could it be true.

Forgiveness contributes to the struggle joy. Of, sure, there are other things that add to that struggle. But today, as I thought about forgiveness and thought about joy I could not help but think about the intersection of these two things.

I know people who feel deep joy – inexpressible joy – each time they take the Lord’s Supper. They are overwhelmed because they have tasted – not just the bread and wine – but God’s forgiveness for them. As their pastor – serving them – I’ll tell you there is nothing more electric than seeing the anticipation in their eyes as they take the bread and cup in their hands.

There are others who hold such animosity in their hearts that joy is foreign to them. What they have tasted, even as they often take the bread and cup, is not forgiveness and joy but bitterness, regret and perhaps as a result apathy.

As the discussion of forgiveness came up I wondered aloud about the starting place of forgiveness. Some theologians would argue that it begins with reconciliation – I’m pretty sure that’s missing something theologically. Some would say it begins with hell and we work our way out from there – I know that’s missing something. Some would say it begins with the cross – and I think they are right. It starts where we start – as human beings – in light of our creation as God’s children and in light of God’s move of love toward us. We see that best in light of the cross.

But, when I think about the ways in which I have to struggle for joy when it comes to forgiveness – when it comes to think about who wronged who (or whom), or how I see myself in light of being forgiven (or not) – it seems too big – too grand of thing to think of the way that God has forgiven us (and me). But when I think of what it means to be human – and the deep desire that God has created within my heart for joy – and what a challenge forgiveness is in the struggle for joy, then I think, maybe the starting part of forgiveness is joy.

What I mean the starting point for forgiveness may be that God intended men and women to be people of joy. The whole notion of being restored by the gospel is seen in the Fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5). “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness…”So perhaps the place for “us” to begin when we think about forgiving or being forgiven is with joy. We were made for joy but we may have to struggle for it. We may have to wrestle with forgiveness. But I think in our heart of hearts we want joy. As human beings the motive to move through the process of forgiveness is in the end because we know we have to struggle for joy.

When Sherry and I thought about this being the year of joy – well – we intended it in some ways to fall right along with the year of laughter. It does not work like that. Joy is more than happiness and it is certainly more than just laughter. It is something that we were made for but it is also something that we often have to struggle for. But I’m confident the struggle is worth it – at least the proverbs seems to imply that, “A joyful heart is good medicine” (Pro 17:22).

Next year, however, it might just be the year of BBQ – that’s probably good medicine for my heart too.

 

This is the best BBQ I know of…and I’ve eaten some great BBQ – but this takes top billing in my book.

If you ever want to try it – it is in Bluff City, TN. Not far from the Race Track. It will make you slap your granny it is so good.

It brings our family great joy!

Saying “I Do”

Part of the reason for starting this blog – if you hadn’t noticed – has to do with a running assignment for my Doctor of Ministry. Each day I am supposed to journal, write, or blog – some sort of interaction with the days lectures, readings, etc. Normally I would have just kept a journal. For some reason I thought it would be fun to blog. Honestly – it is kind of fun – but then I’m a bit strange – just ask my wife.

We’ve been married nearly nineteen years (October 10!). She deserves some sort of shrine. Seriously, I’m not an easy person to live with – just ask Cash (our dog). As a good friend of mine, in fact a very wise man, has told me that I married way over my head. In fact his exact words were, “Mark, you out kicked your punt coverage. Don’t screw it up.”

He’s right of course. I could write a lot about Sherry – I’m amazed that she married me. She is awesome – as a wife – as a mom – as a women who loves the Lord. I have been blessed (I’m hoping she’ll read this and I’ll get some points – believe me – I need them). I’m grateful beyond description – and lectures like the one we had today makes me all the more thankful.

This week we are focused on counseling – especially regarding marriage, premarriage, postmarriage, divorce care. I spent the better part of today listening (as much as I can listen) and processing the discussion that flowed with the lecture. Now remember, I’m in a room full of pastors and pastor types. What I observed is a deep sense of hunger on the part of these pastors – these ministry leaders. They wanted tools, tips, insights, and help when it comes to preparing the young men and women of their congregations for marriage. They wanted tips, tools, and insights to give to the married couples within their congregations. Why?

Because there was not a pastor in the room that didn’t have a story of troubled marriages within their congregation. We didn’t really bother talking so much about stats. We didn’t really get into names and places or exact stories. We didn’t have to. We know the heart-break – the pain and the sorrow of broken marriages. These men felt it.

But it wasn’t just about the marriages of people within our congregations that concerned many of us. It was marriage in general. Many of us wondered aloud (much to the lecturers chagrin I’m sure) about how our pre-marital training could be open to the wider community. The church has something to say about marriage for Christians – but we also have a lot that could help those beyond our doors.

Granted Christian marriages are intended to take a cruciform shape. The message of a Christian home and marriage and family is intended to bear witness to the Gospel. God has specific intentions for marriage – and those intentions are just as good for those beyond the doors of the church as those within. What marriage couldn’t benefit from a husband loving his wife as Christ loves His church – giving himself sacrificially for her benefit, her good. What wife wouldn’t want to be appreciated and adored like the husband in the Song of Solomon. “Behold,” he says, “you are beautiful, my love, behold you are beautiful…You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you…you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes…how much better is your love than wine.” What marriage couldn’t benefit from a husband loving his wife like this?

So perhaps we can start thinking about what we can give to our communities in terms of tools and tips for marriage. Perhaps pastors and pastor types can help couples that are living together or thinking about living together figure out what that’ll mean for them as human beings. I say this because so many men and women – and their future or existing children – are being crushed by the weight of a bad marriage. I say this because Jesus has called us to love our neighbors – and the church has the words of life. We can talk about Jesus and marriage and loving our spouses and our children – and not just to people who sit in our pews week after week.

I don’t know exactly what that would look like. I’m thinking about it. I’d love to see the local church help the community – and be more than just a place where folks think of having their wedding. It might be a terrible idea – but I’m thinking there are lots of folks who would like some insights – and maybe they’d like to know just what the Bible actually says about marriage – before they step into it – or after they already have.

In the Perpetual Ruins

This morning I came across Psalm 74:3 and the words that spoke to me in some strange way. The Psalmist cries out in prayer – asking for God to, “Direct your steps to the perpetual ruins…”

For some reason I wanted to cling to that part of this passage – not so much for some fatalistic, black cloud, hopeless reason. Rather, I think it is right and fitting that these words would give shape to the way that people cry out to God.There is something about seeing the world from the perspective of a perpetual ruin that draws me to hope in the gospel all the more. In fact, the whole notion of working for the renewal of all things and the promise of Jesus that He has come to restore us God and to bring about the fullness of God’s Kingdom is the only counter to the notion of ruin.

That’s what is so astounding to me. There are some things – some words – some ideas – which will not exist in the fullness of God’s kingdom. Ruin is one of those things. When Christ comes – and fully and finally directs His steps to this perpetual ruin – all ruin will be gone – forever and ever.

But there is more to the notion of perpetual ruin – because it speaks to me about me. I find, the older I get, the more ruined I become – physically. Now, I’m not old, really. I’m middle-aged – hopefully. I’m young by a lot of standards. But I’m feeling the change in my body. I can’t run or lift or hike or swim or eat like I used to. In fact I’m in the shape I’m in because of the way I did run, lift, etc. But I’m trying to get in shape – but I’m fitting a loosing battle to some extent. I’m fighting against the perpetual ruin of my physical body.

But When Christ comes in His fullness – when He steps toward this perpetual ruin – I will be made new, whole, not for a while – but forever. There will be no more ruined knees, or back, or shoulder, or neck (thank you contact sports). There will be wholeness.

So, I can pray as the Psalmist prayed – asking God to “step toward these and this perpetual ruin” and know that in many ways I am really praying as John prayed in Revelation “Amen – Come Lord Jesus!” Direct your steps to our perpetual ruin!