Part of the reason for starting this blog – if you hadn’t noticed – has to do with a running assignment for my Doctor of Ministry. Each day I am supposed to journal, write, or blog – some sort of interaction with the days lectures, readings, etc. Normally I would have just kept a journal. For some reason I thought it would be fun to blog. Honestly – it is kind of fun – but then I’m a bit strange – just ask my wife.
We’ve been married nearly nineteen years (October 10!). She deserves some sort of shrine. Seriously, I’m not an easy person to live with – just ask Cash (our dog). As a good friend of mine, in fact a very wise man, has told me that I married way over my head. In fact his exact words were, “Mark, you out kicked your punt coverage. Don’t screw it up.”
He’s right of course. I could write a lot about Sherry – I’m amazed that she married me. She is awesome – as a wife – as a mom – as a women who loves the Lord. I have been blessed (I’m hoping she’ll read this and I’ll get some points – believe me – I need them). I’m grateful beyond description – and lectures like the one we had today makes me all the more thankful.
This week we are focused on counseling – especially regarding marriage, premarriage, postmarriage, divorce care. I spent the better part of today listening (as much as I can listen) and processing the discussion that flowed with the lecture. Now remember, I’m in a room full of pastors and pastor types. What I observed is a deep sense of hunger on the part of these pastors – these ministry leaders. They wanted tools, tips, insights, and help when it comes to preparing the young men and women of their congregations for marriage. They wanted tips, tools, and insights to give to the married couples within their congregations. Why?
Because there was not a pastor in the room that didn’t have a story of troubled marriages within their congregation. We didn’t really bother talking so much about stats. We didn’t really get into names and places or exact stories. We didn’t have to. We know the heart-break – the pain and the sorrow of broken marriages. These men felt it.
But it wasn’t just about the marriages of people within our congregations that concerned many of us. It was marriage in general. Many of us wondered aloud (much to the lecturers chagrin I’m sure) about how our pre-marital training could be open to the wider community. The church has something to say about marriage for Christians – but we also have a lot that could help those beyond our doors.
Granted Christian marriages are intended to take a cruciform shape. The message of a Christian home and marriage and family is intended to bear witness to the Gospel. God has specific intentions for marriage – and those intentions are just as good for those beyond the doors of the church as those within. What marriage couldn’t benefit from a husband loving his wife as Christ loves His church – giving himself sacrificially for her benefit, her good. What wife wouldn’t want to be appreciated and adored like the husband in the Song of Solomon. “Behold,” he says, “you are beautiful, my love, behold you are beautiful…You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you…you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes…how much better is your love than wine.” What marriage couldn’t benefit from a husband loving his wife like this?
So perhaps we can start thinking about what we can give to our communities in terms of tools and tips for marriage. Perhaps pastors and pastor types can help couples that are living together or thinking about living together figure out what that’ll mean for them as human beings. I say this because so many men and women – and their future or existing children – are being crushed by the weight of a bad marriage. I say this because Jesus has called us to love our neighbors – and the church has the words of life. We can talk about Jesus and marriage and loving our spouses and our children – and not just to people who sit in our pews week after week.
I don’t know exactly what that would look like. I’m thinking about it. I’d love to see the local church help the community – and be more than just a place where folks think of having their wedding. It might be a terrible idea – but I’m thinking there are lots of folks who would like some insights – and maybe they’d like to know just what the Bible actually says about marriage – before they step into it – or after they already have.