I do want my sons to live a good life. Most parents do. But where does my image of a good life come from? If I am being honest – mostly from surrounding culture.
I just know that if my kids get a good education, they’ll get a good job – and they’ll make good money – and hopefully they’ll marry a great girl – and they’ll live in a nice house in a safe neighborhood…they’ll be happy – and I’ll be happy – because they are living the idea of a “good life” that most folks consider to be a good life. That’s what they are supposed to do – aren’t they? That’s what good parents do for their kids – don’t they?
But then I heard Smith’s claim banging around inside my head…and I thought – what sort of vision for life am I giving my sons?
I actually want more for my sons than just a good job, money, home, etc. I had to stop and think about what I am passing on to my sons because the truth is – I think Smith is right. We seem to be creatures that are driven by our desires to live a good life – to do the things that make us happy. And we gladly give ourselves to those things that we think will lead to whatever we have defined as “a good life.” We give ourselves headlong to that desire and we pursue it. The problem is – we encourage our kids to do the same thing but often without really thinking through what image it is that we are pursuing.
We all want to be happy. We want our kids to be happy. We want to make sure that they have what they need. A lot of the time we also want them to have what they want – and what they want is what they image will help them to have a good life and be happy. There is a vicious cycle and it is being passed from parent to child.
The trouble is that desire and pursuit often doesn’t make us happy at least not like we think it will. And yet we pass this practice on to our children. But chance are good it will make not make our children happy either. How many times have you read about people who – though successful in their own eyes are miserable? It seems happiness evaded them – but they have everything they imagined would lead to a “good life.” How many times have you read the tragic stories of parents who have helped their kids have everything to make them happy – and their kids are miserable – caught up in all sorts of messy things. As a pastor – as someone who has worked with families and students for twenty plus years – I’ve heard it a lot.
A lot of parents are scared to death that they are someone else is going to mess up their child’s future. I know parents who cart their kids all over the place to make sure they are getting every advantage so they can get into a good school. But all of the running and going is really about the desire to live out what these parents image will lead to a good life for their child. In the book The Price of Privilege the author quoted one child who said, “My mom is everywhere but nowhere.”
For many folks parenting has become more about carting kids from place to place and struggling to figure things out – what will make them happy – how to get them in the right school, the right camps, the right sports, the right experiences. I don’t think it has to be that way. I’m pretty sure it shouldn’t be.
The question for me has become what image is giving shape to my desires for my kids? How am I passing that on to them?
I think that Smith is right – human beings are creatures who are driven by the pursuit of our desire to live what we imagine is a good life – and we want that for our kids as well – we give our lives to it.
Perhaps that is why so many parents are anxious. Perhaps that is why so many parents are willing to nearly kill themselves to give their children what they think they need.
Recently I read something that the late John Stott – the well known, respected English Pastor and Theologian – wrote. He wrote, “Jesus took it for granted that all human beings are ‘seekers…’ We need something to live for, something to give meaning to our existence, something to ‘seek’, something on which to set our ‘hearts’ and our ‘minds…’ ‘the Supreme Good’ to which to dedicate our lives…(it) concerns our goals in life and our incentives for pursuing them…(it) is what makes (us) ‘tick’; it uncovers the mainspring of (our) actions, (our) secret inner motivation. This, then, is what Jesus was talking about when he defined what in the Christian counter-culture we are to ‘seek first.’”
Whatever it is that you believe or don’t believe about Jesus there is something undeniable about Him. Jesus understands people. As you read the Gospels you can’t help but notice that He spoke right to the heart of the issues with which people deal.
A great case in point is the Sermon on the Mount – which is what John Stott was referring to. Within this great text we discover just what it is that Jesus intends for His people. The Sermon on the Mount – among other things – is intended to give shape to our desires – in fact it is intended to form how we see the world, how we think about God, ourselves and others, how we live, spend our money, our time. In other words – the Sermon on the Mount is supposed to help us understand “a good life” and help us to pursue it.
In fact, if you ever want to know how Jesus intends for Christians to live – just turn to the Sermon on the Mount. You can find it in the New Testament, in Matthew chapter 5 thru 7. If you’ve never read that before you ought to.
But – it is important for you to know – if you don’t already – that Jesus – when he gave this sermon – was seated on a hillside with his disciples close by – and most likely a crowd of other folks stood around and listened in. That’s something else you may need to know about Jesus. He was winsome – he drew crowds – for lots of reasons. Some folks liked to hear him talk. Some folks liked to see him do miracles. Some folks really loved him and wanted to follow him. Some folks hated him. Some folks wanted to catch him in something.
That’s just something to keep in mind as you read this. In Matthew chapter 6 verse 31-33 Jesus said something which for me is important to think about – especially when it comes to this idea of desire and how that is shaping my parenting. Here is what Jesus said,
“Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
(Matthew 6:31-33 ESV)
I’ll have more on this tomorrow…