Cooking

A Really, Really Great Burger!

Ever had the craving for a great burger? Now there are a ton of burger places dotting every town and city – but don’t go there to get a great burger. You’ll be disappointed. In fact, we as a family don’t go to those places at all – ever. We’ve declared them the evil empire. I think it is a terrible thing to serve bad food – bad for you – tastes bad – which means they are probably not doing good in the world…

Okay – I’m off my soap box. I just think that food and coffee should be made with great care. They are also things that, if they are made well – full of good ingredients and flavor – they are to be savored and perhaps something which we should actually be able to “give thanks for.” There is something to be said about being able to sit down and eat a meal and not in a hurry.

Okay – that being said – I’ve got this great burger recipe. It’ll take some time to prep but it is awesome. We love it. They are not meant to be small burgers. They are meant to be big. They are meant to be made for a room full of folks. This recipe is not original with me – although I’ve tweaked it and made it my own in lots of ways. I hope you enjoy it!

Mark’s Triple B’s Burgers

I usually make these for six people – adjust the recipe accordingly. I can’t take all the credit for this recipe – I saw the apple slaw somewhere. The burger is something that I’ve picked up from different places and tweaked after getting feedback from different folks.

 For burgers

1.5 lbs of lean ground lamb

1.5 lbs of lean ground beef

2-3 Portabella Mushrooms

½ Sweet Onion

½ Fresh Garlic Clove –

Whole grain mustard- a tad

Worcestershire  – just a dash

Horseradish – just a tad

Black pepper

Feta Cheese – slices if possible

Small amount of olive oil

Buns

For slaw

1 granny smith green apple

2 stalks celery

1 ½ teaspoon Apple cider vinegar

1 tablespoon Mayo

¼ Teaspoon Sugar

1-Teaspoon Whole Grain Mustard

1-Teaspoon Olive Oil

Slaw Prep:

Cut celery into matchsticks – slivers.

Cut apples into matchsticks – leave skin on apple

Mix other ingredients together and then add celery and apple matchsticks.

Season to taste – you may have to add this and that to get it just right.

Refrigerate –until you are ready to apply to the burger.

Burger prep

  • Early prep:
    • Place mushrooms, garlic and onions in a food processor (separately if you so desire).
    • Once the mushrooms, garlic and onions are cut fine – but not overly – place in a skillet with just a tad bit of olive oil. You may not even need the olive oil. Sauté the ingredients until they have cooked well with each other. They might appear a bit gray – but they should smell amazing. Take these off the heat and allow them to cool. After they’ve cooled add in the mustard, horseradish, and Worcestershire (just a bit).
    • This is a good time to prepare the slaw and enjoy a nice glass of wine or cold beer.
    • Once these have cooled combine this with the lamb and the beef. Mix those thoroughly. Once this is done it is time to make the patties. I do not make small burgers – I like my guests to leave full – fat and happy.
    • I like to cook my slow on the grill – searing both sides for about 3 minutes each – and then just let them slow cook on low heat. This is a good time to enjoy another glass of wine – or – a cold beer.
    • When the burgers have cooked to your liking – I’m a medium well guy myself (170degrees is preferred thermo reading) – place them on the bun. Put a slice of feta cheese on top and top that with the slaw – top that with the bun – combine that with another glass of wine or beer and you’ve got yourself an amazing burger.


Parenting

Wise Moves – The Man Trip

I’ll be the first person to tell you that I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer. What I mean is that I will probably never write a book with a title like, “The Ten Secrets to Parenting Success, or ” 100 Things to a Being a Better Dad.” However, a few years ago I started a summer tradition with my sons that was something I’d like to call a “wise move” on my part. I’d like to take credit for it but it actually started with a promise my dad made but was unable to fulfill and a promise I made to myself.

When I was a kid I was fascinated by the Civil War. I still am to a large extent. My dad knew that, of course, and he encouraged it. In fact, one time he came home with a civil war musket ball that he had purchased for me from a friend who was a collector. He also promised to take me to Gettysburg. We were planning to go sometime in the spring of my freshman year in high school but my dad died in November of that year.

It is hard for me to think of Gettysburg without remembering my dad – his love for me and his willingness to engage in something that I loved. So, at some point in my grief, I promised that when I had kids I would take them to Gettysburg. I lived that out a few years ago when I realized that Gettysburg was only a little over three hours from Charlottesville – thus was born the Man Trips.

Three years ago I took my older two sons up to see the battle field and to explore the new visitor center and museum. (My youngest son was four – and – as much as I loved spending time with him then – well – if you’ve ever spent much time with a four-year old on a car trip I don’t have to explain why he didn’t make the first man trip.) At that point my older sons had little interest or understanding of the war. I have to say they did have an appreciation for being from the south – they can’t help that – they’ve lived all their lives in the south (and a good bit in the deep south – you should read a love for the good parts of being southern – that’s a love for really good BBQ, bow ties, seersucker suits, dogs, the beach, and humidity).

We had a great time. I splurged a bit and got a personal guided tour. Our guide drove us around and filled us in about each part of the battle field. He would point out bullet holes in houses, houses that doubled as hospitals, and then tell us the stories of the fighting that engulfed that little town and the hills and fields surrounding it. I wasn’t sure that my sons were all that interested or paying attention.

It was great being with my sons but I realized, somewhere into the trip that I had stumbled onto the “something more” that my dad was trying to do by wanting to go with me to Gettysburg. In my mind as a kid it had everything to do with the place and the stuff. For my dad it had everything to do with connecting, investing, building into my life and our relationship. He was going to give up a huge chunk of time just to be with me and that says a lot to me even now.

So, every summer since the first man trip I’ve loaded up the car and taken all three of my sons off for a few days. Last year we went to Baltimore. We went to see an Orioles game (or Oreos as my youngest calls them), we ate great food that was not great for us and then drove to DC. In Washington we covered the mall – stopping at the National Museum of American History – and then made our way to the Lincoln Memorial. It was a great trip and my sons started asking about the next trip on the trip back home.

This year we went to Pittsburgh. I surprised my sons. They thought we were just going to watch the Pirates play. But I had a few tricks up my sleeve. In fact, I told them that I had to attend a lecture at St. Vincent College in Latrobe. I told them it would take a few hours but they might learn something. I was lying.

If you know anything about St. Vincent you’ll know that every summer since 1967 it has hosted the training camp for the Pittsburgh Steelers. They had a blast. The Steelers have all sorts of stuff for kids even a chance to put on the helmet, shoulder pads and jersey…oh how I began to dream when I saw them decked out in that gear…

Steeler Tattoos
PNC Park

We ate man food at Primanti Brothers. We ate more man food at the Pirates game. We had a blast at the Carnegie Science Center – complete with its own submarine (you gotta go there it’s amazing). But the highlight for me was our return trip to Gettysburg.

Man Food - the Beer is mine - they got "Pop"

For reasons that should be clear – it was important for me to go back with all three of my sons. This time I didn’t need to get a tour guide. I had two in the car. I listened as my older two sons began to tell the story of Gettysburg to their younger brother. I was surprised by how much they remembered and all that they told him – even going so far as to talk about the placement of canons as well as specific places on the field – like the Devils Den and Little Round Top.

I’m not sure what impact these trips are going to have on my sons. I know what sort of impact they’ve had on me. I’m always wondering how to be a dad. I don’t have a lot of memories of my own dad that haven’t been obscured by time and grief. But I believe I am doing something good, something that will last, something that will mark our lives. I am more than willing to pull away from everything and give myself to these guys like this year after year.

On the way home from PA they started talking about what part of the trip was their favorite. For them it was all about the places and the stuff – the things they got to do and see (even the donuts from Peace, Love and Little Donuts). For me it was all about the something more – all about connecting, investing, building into their lives – and mine. That’s a wise move I learned from my dad.

This place had crazy good donuts - funky ones like Bacon and Maple donuts
Religion

Bert and Ernie won’t be getting married

Bert and Ernie won’t be getting married.

I suppose this sort of thing shouldn’t surprise me – or anyone else (see link above). But I have to say that the topic of Bert and Ernie getting married sort of threw me off kilter for a bit. I realize that there is a lot of talk going around about the government staying out of the bedroom, but I had no idea that the topic of sexuality has entered into a somewhat safe, clean and perhaps to some extent sacred place – Sesame Street.

Do we really have to sexualize every relationship? Does sex really have to be included in every conversation? Have people really wondered if Bert and Ernie were gay? Did a group of folks really sign a petition and send it to the powers that be at PBS requesting that Bert and Ernie get married? Apparently. (http://blogs.sfweekly.com/thesnitch/2011/08/bert_ernie_gay_married.php)

This just brings up more questions for me – but then I suppose that some of the thinking was that if Bert and Ernie got married it would help to support the notion of marriage equality. But seriously – Bert and Ernie? That’s going to help push it forward? Really? Characters from Sesame Street?

Or perhaps an underlying thought is more about normalizing the concept of gay marriage for a whole new generation of kids within the U.S. That’s equally disturbing. Since when has it become okay for such highly charged political issues to be mainstreamed to children especially when it deals with sexuality – especially the kids who watch Bert and Ernie? Why is it okay to even go there?

There is a right time and a good time for children to learn about sexuality. Unfortunately for many parents the topic is coming at their children from a range of directions – before kids are even old enough to comprehend. Parents have to be diligent and not fearful. We do have to prepare our children – but things need to be age appropriate and in a timely manner. But Bert and Ernie? Is that appropriate? Who thought that was a good idea to create that petition?

Fortunately the creators were wise enough to dodge that bullet. But it is pretty incredible that the question would even be brought up. I think it shows something – and something not so great about our culture.

I think we have a problem – a huge problem. I think it is growing and will most likely continue to grow. We’ve all known for a long time that our country has a huge preoccupation with sex. We can’t turn on the TV, go to a movie, read a magazine, or even listen to some music and radio stations – without being blasted by all sorts of images and messages. I think those things are really beginning to take a toll.

In a recent lecture I heard a disturbing reality for some counseling interns. In the last five years the number one issue that they have seen is sexual addiction – usually but not always in the form of addiction to pornography. A great number of these folks were in their early to late 20’s. Some of them were newly married and their spouses discovered the addiction within the first year.

There are a lot of young men and women who are broken and wounded, hurting, who are struggling with all sorts of issues and problems related to sex. It takes on a lot of different forms – but these folks are struggling to get control of something in their lives. Many of them are responding to some sort of hurts from deep in their lives – they go to sex for help and healing. But they will not find it there. But our culture keeps putting it out there.

And now – now we have some folks who thought it would be a good idea to get Bert and Ernie married. That’ll fix everything. That’ll make the next generation stronger and better people. Our culture is already awash with young men and women who are struggling to understand just what it means to be mature – to be human – so let’s complicate things a bit more for the next group of kids and start talking about sexual identity when they don’t even know their alphabet yet. Yes – that makes sense…

I suppose it really shouldn’t surprise me that a group of folks thought it would be a good idea for Bert and Ernie to get married. What surprises me is that for some reason they actually thought they might be gay. That’s sort of a surprise. When did hand puppets become sexual? Is there a connection between the overly sexed up aspect of our culture that led to that sort of thinking? Who does that? Who spends time thinking and working that out?

Nevertheless, this is our culture. This is the way things are. I don’t see us going back to some other and we’d be wise – very wise to prep ourselves for what it is going to be like in 10 years. We ought also to prep our sons and daughters too. They are going to be the ones that have to help our grandchildren. God help us.

Religion

The End of a Chapter

This is my last evening in St. Louis. This is a really great town. I’ve sampled (okay engulfed) some of the best food. I’ve also enjoyed some great company. The people I have met over the last three years in the Doctor of Ministry Cohorts at Covenant Theological Seminary are some of the finest folks – and I’m not just saying that.

But alas – the end of a chapter is upon me.

I can honestly say that the three residencies at Covenant have were some of the most important investments in my life as a pastor. There is something pretty special about this school. I am deeply grateful for all the work and time and prayer that the staff of this seminary has poured into this program. I’m thankful beyond words for the Rev. Dr. Bob Burns.

But now – the “real” work of the DMin begins – the dissertation. But honestly, I’m excited about it. I’m excited about my topic (how pastors lead significant change). I’m thrilled to be able to pour some of my time into studying and writing something which I hope will benefit the church – the kingdom. That’s a pretty great thing to be allowed to do.

That topic may seem strange for folks. It generally does when folks ask me what my dissertation. That gives me an opportunity to talk about something I mentioned in an earlier blog – change.

Over dinner this evening someone asked the me question and I got the usual, “Oh.” I smiled and then I threw something out. I brought up the notion of shalom and God’s mission in the world. I talked about the notion of Christians doing good in the world – about being a blessing to their community and the push back that some folks get for wanting to do that. In a moment it generated some good conversation. I sat back and listened and enjoyed.

What brought me to this topic?

Well, a few years ago I was introduced to a book by Nicholas Wolterstorff called Until Justice and Peace Embrace. In that book, Dr. Wolterstorff brought up the subject of shalom. He defines Biblical shalom in relational terms. Basically, shalom is when we as human beings are in a right relationship with God, with ourselves, with our neighbors and with creation. When those relationships are right – that’s shalom. There is truly an absence of war and strife, there is justice, everyone has what they need.

Our relationship with God can only be made right because of Christ – and that extends then beyond ourselves into our relationships with our neighbors and into all of creation. It is in that relationship that we are fully human and we flourish. A friend of mine explained it in this way. He said, “If I want my kids to be safe, clean, get a good education, to be free from harm and disease – then as part of loving my neighbor – as part of shalom – I should want that for your kids too.”

Wolterstorff, in that same book, goes on to say that God’s mission in the world is the mission of restoring shalom. If that’s God’s mission then it ought to be the mission of God’s people as well (I’m not doing the book justice – you ought to read it). He suggests that we are not to sit around with our arms folded waiting on shalom to arrive but to take part in the work of the kingdom – the work and mission of shalom.

I think he’s right. What’s more I think a lot of Christians really want their faith to matter – to be relevant and significant – not just to them and their family but to their communities. I think a lot of Christians feel this way – and I think they are right. Don’t get me wrong. We need to know and study the Bible. We need to pray and worship. The Christian life isn’t less of those things – it is actually more. It isn’t less of what we’ve done in the past to make strong believers – it is more – building on our solid foundations.

All of that got me thinking about the church and pastors and change and the mission of shalom. I don’t fully understand all of what it means to live out the mission of shalom – but I understand some things – and Sherry and I are training our boys to think and live in those terms. But I know something. I know that in some places to begin talking about moving a church in that direction brings a certain degree of resistance.

But resistance isn’t bad. It is important – in that it helps to give shape and it helps to maintain the proper perspectives. But resistance, tension and conflict are often the very things that Christians want to avoid. But it is often the very thing that leads to significant change – and significant change is the kind of change some churches would have to make (a significant change (or adaptive) means a change in long-established behavior, beliefs, practice, tradition).

I wondered how have pastors in established churches led significant change – I wondered how they did it given the nature of conflict. One day the notion of strategic planning and conflict sort of feel in my lap. I had never thought about pastors and ministry leaders strategically using the resistance, tension and conflict to lead signficant change before. In fact, Bob Burns was the first to sort of open that world up to me. I wondered if there were any pastors – or seminaries that even taught that idea.

But it isn’t really that novel of an idea – not really. I mean most pastors that I talk to about this think I’m crazy. But counselors and therapists do this all the time. In fact this morning I heard a lecture on pastoral counseling and our lecturer told us how in her practice of over 30 years she often uses tension, or a clients resistance in the hopes of leading them to significant change.

I like that – really. Of course – I’m a pastor. Which means I’m a shepherd. It means that I have the best interest of the person and the church at heart. That’s true. But as a pastor – shepherd – I am charged with leading those whom God has called me to serve. That doesn’t mean I just tell them they are okay and everything is alright. It is not true. The scriptures tell us who we are as human beings – and our hearts tend to verify what the Bible says – often with tension, resistance and conflict.

So, over the course of the last three years I have been preparing for this moment – for all the class work to be finished – for all the projects and papers to have been written. Now, the real work of research and reading and putting things together begins in earnest. This chapter has ended – but it looks like I’ve just opened a new book and I’ve got five more chapters to go. All right then – let’s crank it out!

 

Uncategorized

Colleen Carroll Campbell: The power of a father’s presence

Colleen Carroll Campbell: The power of a father’s presence.

Check out the link above. There is a great, thought-provoking article in today’s paper here in St. Louis. The whole sense of a dad’s presence and role in the family is so important – we know that – but sometimes we don’t think about it much.

It does bring up a book I read a few years ago entitled The Price of Privilege by Levine. In that book Levine related the remark that one child once said to her. Levine was asking different questions trying to see how much involvement  the child and the parents had. At one point the child said, “Oh no. My mom is super involved. She takes me everywhere. Practice. School, etc, etc,. My mom is everywhere but nowhere.”

What this child was referring to was the fact that the parents were “super involved” in the sense of running them from point a to point b. But they were always on their phone – always shuffling them place – always looking for the next experience for their child to prepare them for the future. But the present was almost totally ignored.

This parenting gig is not easy. Most parents that I know are struggling in one way or another – even those who think they’ve got it all figured out are trying hard to keep up the plan. Parents are afraid – I think. Afraid that they are going to mess their child up. Afraid they will not get it perfect and our child(children) will suffer. Sometimes we get lost in our fears.

I’ve got a lot to learn about being a dad. But there is one thing that I think is right on the money. I am not a perfect dad (or husband) but I have a perfect Father. My job as a dad is to own my failures and confess those to my sons – and point them toward the love of their perfect Father. In a sense I’m supposed to show them and point them toward absolute love.

I will not always be present in my son’s lives. The idea that I can always be present is a bit crazy. I can actually be present and not present (I check my phone way too much). But God is always present – always. That’s the sort of parenting that I need to work on more and more.

Christianity

The Struggle For Joy

Every year Sherry and I try to set a theme for the year. The last two years we kept the same theme (we liked it so we kept it). So 2009 and 2010 were the year(s) of laughter. That was born out of the fact that almost every thing we encountered when it came to TV or movies seemed to be obsessed with death in some form. It isn’t like we watch a lot of TV – or movies. But we do enjoy a few programs (especially Master Piece Theater on PBS – don’t mock me – they are really well done programs). So, we made sure that we watched TV shows and movies – as well as focused on laughter – and we laughed a lot. That was good.

This year we went a bit more spiritual – which is something you’d expect from a pastor his wife and kids. We decided that 2011 was going to be the year of joy. The end of 2010 we talked about it – and tried to think of what that would look like. We told a very good friend of our decision to declare 2011 the year of joy. He smiled (he may have actually laughed – it still being 2010 and all) and politely reminded us that joy is often something we have to struggle for. “You’re right,” we said. Nevertheless, joy is something worth struggling for – we just were not sure what sort of things we’d have to struggle to have joy.

Have you ever given that much thought? Have you ever thought about the place of joy in your own life? Perhaps you have. Joy is a funny thing in many ways. It is one of those things that we most often notice when it seems to be missing from our lives. The Bible speaks a lot about joy.

One place in particular draws my attention to this notion of struggling for joy. The Psalmist, in Ps 30:5 wrote, “Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.” And Psalm 126:5 says, “Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!”

Those Psalms make me think about this notion of joy coming on the heals of struggle. That seems to be a pretty consistent picture throughout the Bible and it is consistent in terms of being an accurate portrayal of what it means to be human. Joy is often related to struggle. In fact, we may not even be able to fully appreciate joy until we have struggled.

The struggle for joy is real – very real. There are all sorts of things that come up that create a challenge for us to have joy. That became clearer to me as the subject of forgiveness occupied a huge chunk of the day. If there was ever anything that could cause a person to have to struggle for joy – it would indeed be forgiveness. Think about that for a moment. Think about times when you knew that you had to go to someone who you had wronged. Think about the times when you knew you needed to forgive someone else. Think about the struggle that you may have accepting the fact that God – through Christ – moves toward you to forgive you and draw you to Himself.

There is a tremendous scene in the book Les Miserables (if you’ve never read that book – believe me – you are missing out – again don’t mock me for reading French literature – I’m smarter than I look). Jean Valjean is one of if not the main character. He is a convict whose life was “redeemed” by Christ through the life of a priest (Bishop). But Jean Valjean was never really ever supposed to know forgiveness or redemption or restoration according to the culture of the day. Throughout the novel he is tormented, chased by his past and by Inspector Javert. Javert will not rest until Valjean is punished forever. He is zealous for the law. Valjean has experienced grace.

There is a powerful scene where Jean Valjean has a chance to escape forever. A man is arrested and the authorities think he is Valjean. Valjean can keep his mouth shut. He has lived a good life. He had done loads of charity work. He has totally changed his life. Helped the poor. He was a well-respected mayor. He was a good man. So one night he comes to terms with himself. He goes back and forth in this great scene wrestling with the notion of forgiveness. It is a powerful scene as good and evil wrestle within the heart of this man. In the end though, I’d have to say that it was as much as struggle for joy as it was about good and evil and his sense of forgiveness.

I will not spoil the end of the novel for you (the movie doesn’t include it – sorry you’ll have to read). But the picture of Jean Val Jean struggling for joy even in his own soul is a profound picture to me. Especially because so many people have to wrestle with the notion of what it means to both forgive and to be forgiven. Many of us think often of the people who have wronged us in some ways. We may mouth the words, “I forgive you” but in our heart of hearts there is still a very deep burn. Many more of us can read or hear these words, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). We may nod, say amen, but we still walk away from those words with a lump in our throat – wondering, could it be true.

Forgiveness contributes to the struggle joy. Of, sure, there are other things that add to that struggle. But today, as I thought about forgiveness and thought about joy I could not help but think about the intersection of these two things.

I know people who feel deep joy – inexpressible joy – each time they take the Lord’s Supper. They are overwhelmed because they have tasted – not just the bread and wine – but God’s forgiveness for them. As their pastor – serving them – I’ll tell you there is nothing more electric than seeing the anticipation in their eyes as they take the bread and cup in their hands.

There are others who hold such animosity in their hearts that joy is foreign to them. What they have tasted, even as they often take the bread and cup, is not forgiveness and joy but bitterness, regret and perhaps as a result apathy.

As the discussion of forgiveness came up I wondered aloud about the starting place of forgiveness. Some theologians would argue that it begins with reconciliation – I’m pretty sure that’s missing something theologically. Some would say it begins with hell and we work our way out from there – I know that’s missing something. Some would say it begins with the cross – and I think they are right. It starts where we start – as human beings – in light of our creation as God’s children and in light of God’s move of love toward us. We see that best in light of the cross.

But, when I think about the ways in which I have to struggle for joy when it comes to forgiveness – when it comes to think about who wronged who (or whom), or how I see myself in light of being forgiven (or not) – it seems too big – too grand of thing to think of the way that God has forgiven us (and me). But when I think of what it means to be human – and the deep desire that God has created within my heart for joy – and what a challenge forgiveness is in the struggle for joy, then I think, maybe the starting part of forgiveness is joy.

What I mean the starting point for forgiveness may be that God intended men and women to be people of joy. The whole notion of being restored by the gospel is seen in the Fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5). “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness…”So perhaps the place for “us” to begin when we think about forgiving or being forgiven is with joy. We were made for joy but we may have to struggle for it. We may have to wrestle with forgiveness. But I think in our heart of hearts we want joy. As human beings the motive to move through the process of forgiveness is in the end because we know we have to struggle for joy.

When Sherry and I thought about this being the year of joy – well – we intended it in some ways to fall right along with the year of laughter. It does not work like that. Joy is more than happiness and it is certainly more than just laughter. It is something that we were made for but it is also something that we often have to struggle for. But I’m confident the struggle is worth it – at least the proverbs seems to imply that, “A joyful heart is good medicine” (Pro 17:22).

Next year, however, it might just be the year of BBQ – that’s probably good medicine for my heart too.

 

This is the best BBQ I know of…and I’ve eaten some great BBQ – but this takes top billing in my book.

If you ever want to try it – it is in Bluff City, TN. Not far from the Race Track. It will make you slap your granny it is so good.

It brings our family great joy!

Christianity

Saying “I Do”

Part of the reason for starting this blog – if you hadn’t noticed – has to do with a running assignment for my Doctor of Ministry. Each day I am supposed to journal, write, or blog – some sort of interaction with the days lectures, readings, etc. Normally I would have just kept a journal. For some reason I thought it would be fun to blog. Honestly – it is kind of fun – but then I’m a bit strange – just ask my wife.

We’ve been married nearly nineteen years (October 10!). She deserves some sort of shrine. Seriously, I’m not an easy person to live with – just ask Cash (our dog). As a good friend of mine, in fact a very wise man, has told me that I married way over my head. In fact his exact words were, “Mark, you out kicked your punt coverage. Don’t screw it up.”

He’s right of course. I could write a lot about Sherry – I’m amazed that she married me. She is awesome – as a wife – as a mom – as a women who loves the Lord. I have been blessed (I’m hoping she’ll read this and I’ll get some points – believe me – I need them). I’m grateful beyond description – and lectures like the one we had today makes me all the more thankful.

This week we are focused on counseling – especially regarding marriage, premarriage, postmarriage, divorce care. I spent the better part of today listening (as much as I can listen) and processing the discussion that flowed with the lecture. Now remember, I’m in a room full of pastors and pastor types. What I observed is a deep sense of hunger on the part of these pastors – these ministry leaders. They wanted tools, tips, insights, and help when it comes to preparing the young men and women of their congregations for marriage. They wanted tips, tools, and insights to give to the married couples within their congregations. Why?

Because there was not a pastor in the room that didn’t have a story of troubled marriages within their congregation. We didn’t really bother talking so much about stats. We didn’t really get into names and places or exact stories. We didn’t have to. We know the heart-break – the pain and the sorrow of broken marriages. These men felt it.

But it wasn’t just about the marriages of people within our congregations that concerned many of us. It was marriage in general. Many of us wondered aloud (much to the lecturers chagrin I’m sure) about how our pre-marital training could be open to the wider community. The church has something to say about marriage for Christians – but we also have a lot that could help those beyond our doors.

Granted Christian marriages are intended to take a cruciform shape. The message of a Christian home and marriage and family is intended to bear witness to the Gospel. God has specific intentions for marriage – and those intentions are just as good for those beyond the doors of the church as those within. What marriage couldn’t benefit from a husband loving his wife as Christ loves His church – giving himself sacrificially for her benefit, her good. What wife wouldn’t want to be appreciated and adored like the husband in the Song of Solomon. “Behold,” he says, “you are beautiful, my love, behold you are beautiful…You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you…you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes…how much better is your love than wine.” What marriage couldn’t benefit from a husband loving his wife like this?

So perhaps we can start thinking about what we can give to our communities in terms of tools and tips for marriage. Perhaps pastors and pastor types can help couples that are living together or thinking about living together figure out what that’ll mean for them as human beings. I say this because so many men and women – and their future or existing children – are being crushed by the weight of a bad marriage. I say this because Jesus has called us to love our neighbors – and the church has the words of life. We can talk about Jesus and marriage and loving our spouses and our children – and not just to people who sit in our pews week after week.

I don’t know exactly what that would look like. I’m thinking about it. I’d love to see the local church help the community – and be more than just a place where folks think of having their wedding. It might be a terrible idea – but I’m thinking there are lots of folks who would like some insights – and maybe they’d like to know just what the Bible actually says about marriage – before they step into it – or after they already have.

Uncategorized

Cash

There was a bit of fear – fear of pain and loss – that went through my heart tonight. My wife told me something about Cash – our dog (he’s named in honor of Johnny). We are not sure – totally not sure – but he may not be well. He’s been acting weird lately. Last night he started coughing. Sherry described it like an asthma attack. A friend told us that it could be nothing. But it could be something serious. If it is – there is nothing that can be done really.

There is probably nothing wrong with our dog. But that didn’t stop me from going there. At the moment that Sherry told me about Cash I had a simultaneous flash backs – one to the far past and the other to the not so distant.

I was about ten years old when my family got another dog. We had a Great Dane when I was a toddler. Preacher was his name. He got that name because he was all black except for a small white spot on his neck. He was an awesome dog. After he died we didn’t get another dog for some time – and when we did he was a dandy – a Golden Retriever. He was beautiful. But I gave him a terrible name – Abraham – maybe for Lincoln – I really don’t know (I was ten).

I played with him a lot. He was just a puppy – still growing – still all puppy. But one day when he was hit by a truck. He ran out into the street and the driver could do nothing. It was terrible. I remember kneeling by this puppy – crying my eyes out – crushed by the reality of something so horrible I can’t describe it. But I had sort of forgotten that – until tonight.

I had a few dogs after that – but I didn’t dare really love them like I did Abraham. In fact, even after we got Cash – our first family dog – I kept my distance. I did not want to like – let alone – love that dog. But Cash is a sweet dog. He just wants to be loved and played with. And does he get the love from three boys. And, I hate to say it – I kind love the dog too. I didn’t mean to – I didn’t want to – but he’s worn me down. Which brings me to the second flash back.

A few weeks ago I made a not so nice remark about Cash. Actually, it was awful. We just moved into a new place and Cash took off across the yard near the street – too close to the street. In a way of self-protection I mumbled something like, “well it wouldn’t bother me if he got hit by a car (total lie).” I said it to myself but then I heard these words behind me, “It would bother me.” I turned to see my eleven-year-old son walk back into the house.

These are proud parenting moments ones that will mark me forever as the world’s best dad.

Those words came back to me tonight as I thought about Cash and thought about my sons dealing with the loss of a dog that they love. It crushed me to think how foolish I have been with this dog. My sons love this dog. He’s a part of their stories. He matters to them like Abraham did to me. And, he matters to me.

I do not want to see my children hurt. I do not want my own words to mark them. I do not want anything to happen to Cash because I do not want to see the hurt and pain in the eyes of three boys.

I love my sons very much. I’d do anything for them. I want to I help my sons grow into men – godly men. I can’t believe that I didn’t apologize to my son after I said that. That is exactly what I want to do and should have done. I want to explain to him why I would say something so terrible.

It is important that my sons see me love something like a dog. It is important for them to see me and hear me talk about pain and sorrow and suffering. It is just as important for them to hear me share about the hope in Christ that I have. It is important for them to hear me apologize, to repent and to love and be loved in return.

What sort of impact will it have for my sons to hear their dad share about his pain and at the same time point them toward his place of hope and assurance? I’m betting a huge impact. I know it’ll have a big impact on me.

I’m hoping nothing is wrong with our dog. I’m hoping that my sons don’t have to face something very painful. I’m hoping the dog ate a napkin or something. For once I’d be happy about that. I’m also wondering if dogs accept apologies. I’ll tell him I’m sorry right after I talk to my sons.

Religion

Change

Today, as part of an assignment for a DMin, I worshipped at a church here in St. Louis, The Kirk of the Hills. This is my third time to worship at The Kirk. The first time was three years ago – at the beginning of my studies at Covenant. It was also a beginning for The Kirk; Mark Kuiper had just become their Senior Pastor. I was in the congregation only a few Sundays after he began his pastorate. I have since been back twice. What I have noticed is a steady but not overwhelming sense of change with each visit. It, from my perspective, is good. But I have no idea how they got to the place where they are – and if I know anything about the pastorate I’m pretty sure it was not without some difficulty.

For the past five years I have studied the subject of leadership and change – especially as it relates to the church. It is not a stretch to say that the church is one of the most change resistance institutions on the planet. There are lots of reasons for that and not all of them bad.

For the last week, each evening, and this entire weekend, I have spent hours and hours pouring through books on leading change. I have read books written from the church’s perspective and those written for the world of business and politics. What I have seen again and again is that conflict is an ever-present element of leadership – especially when it comes with change. That did not surprise me. What did surprise me was how all the authors kept pointing out how important, vital, it is for institutions to have a very clear mission and vision.

That is something that most of us know – instinctively – I think. Yet we may not realize how much conflict is related to not really having a firm grasp on the mission of our church, our work places, our families, and our lives. I wonder if you were to be asked what the mission of your church is and how you fit into the vision of that church – I wonder if you could answer. I wonder how many Christians have ever given much thought to how their vocations, their families, their very lives are tied into God’s mission in the world – God’s mission for His people.

That may be the sort of change that is worth considering. Perhaps considering what it would mean to give our lives to the greater purpose of God’s mission in the world might be the “answer” that so many Christians are looking for. The reason is it takes us out of ourselves and connects us to being a part of something greater and very, very good. That’s the sort of change that is worth doing the hard work for.

Parenting

Volume and Velocity

In the last year or so I’ve come to appreciate jazz. Now, let me be clear. I’m not a musician although I wish I were. My tastes in music are eclectic. I do not “understand” jazz, if that’s the right thing to say. What I know is that some jazz makes sense to me in some remote place that I can’t explain.

There is one song that my whole family enjoys – even as much as I do. That’s saying something because I have a tendency to torture them with music. But one song stands out – we all like it, even our eleven year-old who is famous for claiming to hate jazz. But all of us like the song Mumbles by Clark Terry and Oscar Peterson. If you’ve never heard it – let me just tell you – the title captures the song. There are no words really – just, well – mumbles. It has a quick, upbeat tempo and it captures the way my wife and I feel a great bit of the time.

What I mean is that, between work and trying to raise our sons (something we are very thankful for by the way) – the end of the day sometimes can’t seem to come soon enough. In fact, by the end of the day, for my wife and I the idea of conversation, of going in-depth, sitting and having quite conversation and sharing all the intense feelings that we have for one another – well – sometimes all we can get out sounds more like mumbles.

We take our role as parents as a great responsibility  (as hopefully most parents do). Our goal is to raise men – not boys or children. We are trying to figure out what that means each day – but we are committed nonetheless – even if we don’t know what we are doing exactly. We are trying  to point them toward maturity as young men and as Christians. It is a challenge to say the least.

But parenting has always been challenging (as I’ve been told). I can’t imagine going through some of the things that other generations went through – world wars, depression, etc. In some respects raising kids today is simpler. In some ways, however, the challenges today are totally different and hard to compare to previous generations. A lot of that has to do with, what Donald Guthrie referred to as the “volume and velocity.”

Those two words capture so much of what it is like to be a child today. There is so much coming at them from all sides at such speed and such quantity that it is “humanly impossible for them to take it all in,” as Guthrie commented. It is easy to see.

My children are 12, 11 and six. In their lifetimes the iPhone has already changed multiple times – not to mention the iPad. We get books on things called a Nook. We bank online. Their friends have cellphones and email addresses.There are entire networks set up for the on TV and Satellite radio. An entire industry exists to capture the imagination and attention of kids – to get the dollars from their parents wallets. They play games on Wii – where they have a Mii. They stream movies on Netflix.

At the same time, even as technology throws out its own set of demands they are need to be on top of things artistically, athletically, and academically – and even spiritually. Oh and they need to learn a language and excel in the sciences and be able to write, type, and do amazes searches on the web. All the while they need to be able to deal with all the images that are coming at them – even as their endure the changes in their bodies (for my older two). I can’t even begin to list all the things that are coming at kids.

I don’t know how they can do it. I can’t do it. I can’t keep up with everything. How in the world can my kids?

The world my sons are growing up in is very different from the world I grew up in. It makes me think about what I have to do as a parent to understand the culture of my own children – and I’m existing in it. In some respects it feels like a foreign world – but I’m supposed to be a native.

I don’t think I am alone. I think most parents feel this way. In fact, perhaps the song Mumbles should become the anthem of parents across the U.S. On second thought, perhaps it ought to become the National Anthem. I think kids and parents alike feel like their mumbling.

It occurs to me then how important it is, not just for families to turn things off and stop running around, and grab a meal together. It is important for our kids to have safe, quiet places in their lives. In other words, rather than trying to take it all in we might want to find ways to keep it all out for a while, each day. I’m not advocating hiding in a cave – but we need to do something to help our children process what’s coming at them. Perhaps a great way is to help them turn it off for a bit.

It is probably all the more important for worship to be a place that is devoid of the volume and velocity that comes from the world around us. Maybe, just maybe, the notion of a sacred place and space needs to be taught to our children. They have never had that before, no place is safe from ads and promotion, from the mass of attention grabbing side-show that we call American Modern culture. But worship should be a place of transcendence and a place that has a singular focus – the worship of the triune God. It isn’t just important for them of course – is it important for parents as well. Perhaps it becomes all the more important for us to hold true to the biblical notion of a sabbath rest.

Our culture is our culture. We can try to avoid it and we’ll fail for sure. It is all around us. We can talk about changing it but at the same time we have to figure out how to thrive and flourish in it. It might be that the best we can hope for is that we change the way we handle culture as a family. We are here and now and we can’t look back and wish we lived in another time – a time that was slower, calmer, simpler (if it ever existed). So, I think we have to help our children. Perhaps parents have to learn to be thoughtful about the world and help their kids to do the same. Perhaps then we can help our children to avoid growing up in a world where they are destined to get the mumbles like their folks.